Happy International Women’s Day! With the delicate spring buds blossoming all around us just in time for Cunt Month and International Female Ejaculation Month, March is really shaping up to become mein Lieblingsmonat. Since it’s the time of the year to celebrate the feminine, I thought we ought to focus on one of my favourite girly things: female orgasm.
Ladies and gentlemen, it pains me greatly to say this, but I’m afraid that there are some poor souls out there who still don’t know about the clit, the only organ with the sole purpose for pleasure. Allow me to relay a recent encounter with one (maybe three) such person(s):
A couple weeks ago, after dinner with a new friend in Friedrichshain, we went down the street to join his two mates for a few beers at a little French bar. His pals were in their early 20s and could best be described as some hybrid form of Irish literary fratboys. Instead of leaving the table in search of more sophisticated human beings, I stuck around a bit and did the obnoxious thing I sometimes do and attempted sly indoctrination of 21st century (feminist) thinking. That they were picking up rounds might’ve also had something to do with my lingering.
Was he from outer space? No, remember – Ireland.
We got to talking about sex and the blonde one who reminded me of an American-football-captain version of Simon Garfunkel à la Carnal Knowledge, told me that the way girls usually come is from vaginal penetration alone. I know what you’re thinking. What? It’s 2015! Was he from outer space? No, remember – Ireland. Either he found my initial “Top o’ the morning!” greeting unsavory and he was pretty deft at pulling my (and everyone else at the table’s) leg, or he really did believe his claim of a cultural difference in women’s orgasm: “That’s only American girls who can’t come that way”.
We’ve known since Kinsey’s massive 1953 study that most women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. That means your hand, her hand, someone else’s hand, a mouth, the corner of an armchair, an electronic toothbrush, the side of the washing machine (in cycle)… If you’re having penetrative sex, add something (and keep doing it) and everyone’s happy. At least happier, obviously there are psychological and emotional aspects of sex.
But Kinsey didn’t convince this bloke and it wasn’t until I mentioned that a lot of young girls – and grown women too – fake orgasms, that a glint of recognition registered in his eyes.
The clitoris has largely been left out of both anatomy texts and scientific study throughout history.
Neither of the other two boys chimed in to say, “Hey, dummy, The Clit!” and it shocked me to think that maybe they’re also in the dark. But this should come as no surprise. The clitoris has largely been left out of both anatomy texts and scientific study throughout history. Plus, most of us have virtually no sex education and when we do, it’s taught inside the frame of reproduction. The sad truth is that sex ed, for a lot of people, is porn and female pleasure is, obviously, not exactly a core theme of mainstream pornography. Hollywood movies and television don’t help either with the common depiction of women coming from being banged to death.
What you see on the outside of the body is only the tip of the clitoris iceberg
I considered giving everyone a personal anatomy lesson (it was a French bar, after all), but the place was packed for a Tuesday night so I kept my pants on. It’s entirely possible that some of the girls this guy slept with came without anyone directly touching the clit. What you see on the outside of the body is only the tip of the clitoris iceberg, there’s so much more inside! Some women are crazy about prostate (“g-spot”) stimulation. Female sexuality is diverse. Some women can come from thinking! But not a whole lot, so please remember: the clit, the clit, the clit.
If a girl tells you that she never or rarely comes with her partners, you’re not off the hook! Make it happen. Learn how to give good head. Ask her to show you how she gets herself off and then do that. Ask her if she’ll touch herself while you have sex. Use a vibrator. Come on people. It’s really not difficult. There’s no mystery, only ignorance, but thankfully, we’re all clued in now. This Women’s Day, give the women you love the gift of clitoral pleasure. Viva la vulva!
Banging Berlin is a new monthly column by Mary Katharine Tramontana.
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